1:37 A.M. on a Thurday NIght

This here is a vent post some may say. 1:37 A.M. on a Thursday night. Usually at this time I'm at work but its my off day. I had a recent conversation from a friend from grade school and she praised me on everything I was doing out here in California. "You're meeting all these celebrities and doing this and that". My ego surely was happy to hear all this praise. But, honestly I was shaking my head. I feel as if I'm on the sideline watching the game. The ultimate goal is to BE IN THE GAME! I was at work the other day and I said Wassup! to Snoop Dogg as he was walking to his trailer. He said wassup back and kept moving. At the time I was securing Martha Stewart's trailer. It was then that it hit me "i'm just on the sideline". 

I've been hearing a lot of talk lately that has caused myself to question whether I'm doing the right activities with my time. "You're not even getting paid for what you do, why do it?" At the moment I don't have an agent so many projects I am apart of is either for a small amount of money or for credits. But, then I ask myself: what am I doing this for? Is it for the bag at the end of the day? I enjoy creating and helping others bring their visions to developed projects but a nigga gotta get paid. I work nights 40 hours a week! I wake up in the afternoon tired! But, I get right to work. I understand it takes sacrifice to get where you want to but I see others around me progressing and they don't work as hard as I do. I know I put in the work so the question is am I putting in the right work? Shit is a bug out at times....

Then I think though....what else would I be doing? I remember a life back in Boston where I would just clock in and out of work and I felt dead. Just watching the days pass by. Granted I was stacking money. It was those same days that allowed me to be where I am today. The deposit for my apartment came from putting in the work back home. So, the question I have is now what?

I'm currently in search of an agent and manager for the first time since I've been out here. I've always wanted to bring something to the table when approaching somebody else for assistance or representation. And, I think the audeince i've been able to build with BYOD and the numerous projects I've worked on should be enough validation to prove that I'm about my business. Maybe, I'm looking for validation but don't know from who? Damn, this post got deep....must be the coronnas I'm sipping on lol

Anyways, that it! I appreciate all my readers no matter what. Back to the grind I go.....   

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